I never had a relationship with anyone like I do with Him. We have been through a lot together over the years. He’s seen me through a lot of ups and downs. Sometimes I think it was more down than up but that’s from my perspective, not His. I don’t think anyone has consumed me like He does or has captured my heart like He has. There is no one who loves like He does. There is none like Him. I am still learning about Him and will probably never really know Him completely until we stand face-to-face.
I have not been without fear, worry or apprehension in my life; those things that rob the soul of joy and happiness. After all, I am still human and have to live in this shell until it is time for me to go home or Jesus returns. If anyone has seen the movie “The Polar Express” (which I had taken my granddaughter to when she was younger.) you will be familiar with this one scene. The train is flying across an icy lake and heading toward a mountain. The little boy is at the very front of the outside of the train, flattened against it by the speed of the train. His eyes are wide and he is clearly terrified but behind him is the conductor who is perfectly calm and smiling. I think the ice was cracking, as well. When I saw that I immediately saw myself as the little boy and the conductor as God. I totally identified with that one scene. [Note: I may be a little sketchy on the details of the movie since its been a long time since I’ve seen it.]
I had to be told to accept God’s love for me. Mainly because I grew up in a loveless and abusive household. I had no idea what it was like to have a loving family because mine was far from it. God separated me from them for thirty years in order to save me from them. When I saw them again, they were even more unloving than I remember. So, it happened when I was going to college and had taken an art class. One of the women in the class worked at a Christian retreat. Out of the blue, before class had started, she came up to me and said, “You have to accept God’s love”. I was floored. I knew she was delivering a message from Him and it was not the last time she delivered one, either. I wish I had the sense to get to know that woman at that time. It was right after that she said she had something for me. I went over to where she was sitting and she took a cross out of her handbag and gave it to me. It was a cross made of two nails. I had seen “The Passion of the Christ” when it had come out and had bought online a single nail on a leather cord. When that woman gave me the cross I took the nail off and intertwined the two pieces together and put it around my neck. My art teacher had asked me to take pictures of some of her work out in the parking lot and so off I went to do that. It was not until after I had finished taking those pictures that I realized what I had around my neck. All three nails.
Another time a church I was attending planned on going to a weekend retreat at the very same place that the woman worked. I had mentioned it to her one night in class. She looked at me and said quite seriously “God wants you there.” Again, I was taken aback. Yes, I did go and the church had to pay for me because I was too poor to afford it myself. So why did I have to be there? It was the weekend of Pentecost. Although nothing was remarkably learned from the pastor, (who later I discovered had some serious spiritual problems) there was something that happened that was very subtle. When I had gotten up on that Sunday morning (and after breakfast I had gone for a walk) I suddenly felt very different. I felt as if my entire past had been wiped clean and this was the beginning of something new. I didn’t appreciate it as fully as I do now but there was definitely a change.
Over the years I have spent a lot of time alone with God. I had driven up the mountain to be alone with Him off this logging trail. I would take my Bible, water and some food with me and sit on the tailgate of my truck and read. Then I would walk around among the towering pines and talk out loud to Him as if He was walking alongside me. I miss those times dearly as the mountain is now farther away. Or I would go to a nearby park and spend time with Him there. All those are precious memories to me now and the flowers and leaves I had picked are pressed into the back of a journal I used at the time.
I would say to anyone who feels they are too busy to talk to God (prayer) that you are missing out on one of the most important things you could possibly do. Nothing should come in the way of talking to Him and you will only get to know Him by spending time with Him. If you plan on spending eternity in Heaven, you need to be with the One who loved you so much He died for you. So what’s your excuse?